–He
broke me.
Said the girl with the empty look in her eyes.
He broke me and it feels like forever since the last time I put together a
jigsaw puzzle. He broke me, like no one did before. He broke me because I
allowed it, desired it and let it happen.
He broke me, and it hurts. Like nothing before,
like hot and cold at the same time; excruciating and indescribable pain. Because
suddenly you are forced to deal with your own pieces, tiny bits of yourself
you’d rather not remember. Shattered memories of what you wanted to do; who you
wanted to become and how very deeply you wanted that to be shared. Broken
reflections of what happened and never will again. Unfulfilled desires.
She was holding on to a rock, her rock. It
meant every meaning she wanted to attach to a piece of hardened soil. It was
hers, and it was perfect. Oh, but what a beautiful rock, and how quickly she
learned how to climb it and enjoy the view from above. It was also a morphing
rock, it developed ability to adequate itself to her; to be everything she
wanted it to be. Almost like magic. She didn’t even have to tell the rock to be
something, it became that something before she even thought about it.
Fascinating, irresistible attraction towards it and the way it made her feel,
the way it looked at her almost as if it understood her laughter.
–We
didn’t cool off.
Thing is she imprinted heat on the rock with
each and every hug; when gone, as being a rock, it had no heartbeat, no
movement, no heat. And it broke. A huge piece of pretended stability, and it
broke. It seemed as if it was all she ever had to hold on, and it broke.
Free fall to a place ten thousand feet beneath
the worse place she could remember. Losing grip, losing hope, losing laughter;
losing herself. Falling seemed like forever. Falling kept going, sometimes
slower, sometimes in a rush. And she felt the air turning thicker; ideas
turning into physical reactions; expectations turning into textbook theories
she didn’t want to prove anymore.
She made peace with herself, her choices and
her decisions (which are not the same) and she accepted the fall, she embraced
it and let it heal her soul with every breath. But she didn’t fall, she rised
from the past, from all the unlived memories that never earned a spot in her
heart.
–He
didn’t break me, it was just a rock that broke, and I fell.
She said above the clouds, higher than she ever
aspired to be.
