Diagnosis

When was the last time you were out there in the darkness? No lights, no sounds, no knowledge of your whereabouts or any sign of companion. When was the last time you felt alive with the cold summer breeze and your own thoughts as witnesses of your existence. Feel the bliss within the silence, within yourself and your surroundings. When was the last time you talked to yourself, laughed at yourself, looked at yourself in a mirror while shedding tears from the corner of your left eye, taking a close look at pain itself without even feeling sorry about it, without feeling at all, just standing there in front of you in numbness. When was the last time you made yourself proud, so proud you did not even need to tell anyone else about it, self acknowledgement is sometimes the best reward not because showing off isn’t amazing but because you know you have always been your toughest judge.

When was the last time you had control over every little detail of that one thing you know you can’t even take off the top of your head if you try your heart out?

When was the last time impotence made you cry? Overwhelming desire for something you know you can’t just not have; but whether you eventually will or not is something that couldn’t be further from your own personal decisions and capabilities.

When was the last time you did something crazy? Why did you stop? When was the last time overthinking kept you from sleeping at four in the morning? Sleepless nights that develop a pattern that will forever remain written in your soul; that infinite soul that nourishes from tiny particles of laughter and microscopic anemones of love. When was the last time you felt love? Made love? Received love? Gave love? When was the last time the illusion of love kept you smiling, at least for a second, that split second until you realized it was never there, it was just the shadow of a possibility very much like the reflection of the left eye tear in the mirror that one day when you met yourself at your most vulnerable stage, yet the best one, the one left unseen. When was the last time you felt afraid to be alone? Was it fear of missing someone or just of been left with your own self?